On Returning to Work and Daycare

I was one of the lucky ones. I took 12 weeks off after Claire was born. I worked all the way up to the day Claire was born, in fact I went into labor at work. I intended to work through my due date so her birth could not have come at a more opportune time to take advantage of my full 12 weeks of leave. It doesn't seem possible to me that 12 weeks have gone by and that I had to go back to work. It went way to fast and it breaks my heart to be away from my girl.  

On the 17th of January I returned to work after 12 weeks away. To make things easier on me Tim stayed home with Claire the first two days I went back to work. And to make things even easier on me he brought her to work at lunch time both days so I could nurse her and of course see her. It was strange to be back at work. Everything was the same yet different. I suppose I am the one that is different now but I'm also that same person. Funny how that can be. 

My biggest anxiety about returning to work revolves around pumping. 

I plan on breastfeeding Claire for as long as possible which means I have to pump at work several times a day. Ideally it means that I should pump every time she gets a bottle. But in the real world it means I pump three times a day. I've been worried about being able to keep up with my work while running out three times a day and how the people I work with will react to me running out so much. So far I've had no problems with either but I haven't had a busy schedule to keep up with yet.  Perhaps the biggest downfall of my job is that I don't have a private office space. In fact I don't even share an office. I work in a large shared lab space that people and customers are in and out of all day long. I don't even feel comfortable drying the pumping parts on my desk (I have a small drying rack I keep in a desk drawer). Where do I pump? 

In a small dirty room on the first floor of my building. Because my employer is so large they are required to provide space for me to pump. Some of the other ladies in the department who have recently had children clued me in on the "pumping room" and how to get access to it (talk to the building manager). I went into work about a week in advance to check out the room and get a key. So glad I did that. It was so dirty that I needed to bring something to wipe down the surfaces I'd be using. It clearly hasn't been cleaned in a long time. The chair was terrible and uncomfortable. I'm half tempted to bring something in to put on the wall to make it more interesting. Basically it's a dusty storage room/ unused office with a fax machine in it (that's infrequently used). At least I have a private place to go that isn't a bathroom or conference room. The building manager has been super nice as well. I had asked him if I could use the chair in the outer office once in a while if my mom brings Claire up to nurse on my lunch hour. Instead of saying yes he did one better. He got me a brand new, really nice and comfortable office chair for the room. Score! My office chair isn't nearly as nice. 

Can I say that I hate pumping. I hate it. It's just not my cup of tea. I'm guessing most women don't like it but you do what you have to do for your children. While I can, I will continue to pump and breastfeed for as long as possible. I pump 5 times a day on weekdays and 3 times a day on weekends. 3 times at work (morning, lunch, and afternoon) and once after Claire's first morning feeding and once after she goes to bed. So far I seem to be doing pretty well with how much I'm getting. I usually get 4-8 ounces first thing in the morning and 1-2 ounces before I go to bed. At work I'm still not sure how much I'll get on a consistent basis. My first two days back I did pretty well and I pumped enough to cover what she ate during the day. Thursday I could barely get anything out but I was also super stressed about Claire's first day at daycare. So far this week I'm keeping up pretty well with what I pump at work, everything else is for the freezer stash!

Liquid Gold

Daycare... Thursday the 19th Claire went to daycare for the first time. We chose an in home daycare rather than a traditional center. I spent an afternoon with Claire at daycare the week before so I felt pretty confident that she would be fine in the long run. Of course she cried (and I cried) when we dropped her off. A half hour later I heard from our friends (dropping off their little boy) that Claire had started to calm down and was doing well. A couple hours later I got a picture message of Claire very calm and in the swing. Overall she did well but didn't eat much during the day. Instead of having the 3-4 bottles that she probably should have had she had 3 very small bottles. She eventually cooperated and took a bottle at the end of day. Our daycare provider will also do cloth diapers for us so we've been able to continue with those (this is another post in itself). I took the following Friday off and I'm so glad that I did. Claire had me up several times that night to nurse (she was making up for lost time I think) and I was a zombie the next day. You get used to sleeping a certain amount at night and it really throws you off to have it change out of the blue.
So far returning to work hasn't been all that bad. I miss my baby terribly and take every opportunity I get to look at pictures of her. I also have to resist the urge to call the daycare a million times a day! I'm sure it gets easier/better but it pretty much sucks. Even though I miss her, I do have to admit that it's not to have adult conversations and to have intellectual stimulation. I also find comfort in the fact that this is the best thing for Claire. We need both our incomes to be financially stable so we both work.
We're still having some trouble with Claire taking a bottle and are trying out different types. So far we've tried Dr. Brown's, Tommy Tippee, Advent, and we'll be trying Medela Calma. Basically she screams her head off when offered the bottle no matter which one and then eventually eats a little. Afternoon feedings seem to be better but I'm guessing hunger overpowers her distaste of the bottle. Anyone else out there with this problem, what did you do?

Months 1-2

Because I started writing so long after Claire's birth, I wanted to at least write about the highlights of the last few months. There are so many changes and developmental milestones in those first 12 weeks that you don't know what you'll wake up to. The first few weeks we were home from the hospital were hard (see Postpartum Me) but the hardest part for both my husband and I was the sleep deprivation.

Claire was one of those babies that had her nights and days mixed up and on top of it all she had a touch of colic. The second night we were home from the hospital she cried for so many hours straight that we thought something was wrong with her. She wouldn't even nurse or take a bottle she was so beside herself. We tried everything we could think of and in the end I called my mother at 3am asking her to come over. As soon as my mom took her in her arms she fell asleep! And we went straight to bed. Our nights were similar to this for several weeks (without the help of mom) until Tim remembered something about babies being soothed by the sound of hairdryers. In the middle of one of her long stretches of crying Tim tried out the hairdryer and she instantly fell asleep. This was how we became white noise addicts in our house. Actually Claire is the addict but if she sleeps well than so be it.

Not long after discovering the white noise she started sleeping more regularly and for longer stretches at night. I remember the first time she slept for 5 hours we thought something was terribly wrong with her!

Tim passed out with Claire

Sometime around Thanksgiving she woke up to the world and started really looking around and really looking at us. That was a pivotal moment for all of us. The zoloft had regulated some of my emotions and I was starting to feel more connected. This was also right around the time she turned 1 month old. At her one month appointment she weighted 10lb 10oz and was 22 inches!! If there was any doubt breastfeeding was going well it was gone! We were thrilled. Our baby girl was thriving.

1 month old!

 

Hello world!

Christmas was upon us faster than we could imagine. Tim's mom and brother came from Nebraska the week before Christmas. His mom was amazed by how much Claire had grown. Christmas eve I read a book to Claire before she went to bed and I remembered Christmas 2010. I had been so sad that I wasn't pregnant and really struggled with the holidays that year. Looking back on that moment and seeing where we were this year meant so much to me. It was the first time since Claire had been born that I cried because I was truly happy and joyful. I looked at my girl with sheer wonder that we had made her and she turned out so perfect and so beautiful. This was the best Christmas I've ever had in my life and I felt truly grateful and blessed to be a mom to Claire. Living so close to family makes the holidays even more special. We get to spend a lot of time together and we've been able to maintain our family traditions.

For Christmas she got an activity mat and it was perfect timing for what her developmental stage. She started with accidentally grabbing onto things and is now working on really grabbing and pulling on them.
The week after Christmas Claire had her two month check up and her first big round of immunizations. She was a real champ and did great. That day and the next couple of days she was a little fussy and slept a lot. And once again she blew us away with how big she was. She weighed in at 12lb 15oz and measured 23.75 inches!

Our year ended on a very high note. This year is a big year in the U.S. for snowy owls (NPR story on snowy owls) (New York times article on owls)and many have been seen in the county we live in. New Year's Eve we went looking for one that had been sighted about 20 minutes from our house. We packed Claire up into her car seat and went driving and looking. We had success! I forgot the camera so we didn't get any pictures. But here's a picture of Claire from the New Year:

So different from that sleepy newborn!